Life After AA: Exploring All Paths to Recovery

I know of two thousand people who have left twelve-step programs and are not only alive but thriving. I’m aware this statement may receive backlash; however, I’d like to offer that my motivation in writing this article, and the recovery-related articles I’ve written for nearly 13 years, is not to bash AA.

Instead, as a person in long-term recovery and a social worker, I have always sought to advocate for all pathways of recovery and the right to self-determination and autonomy in choosing how we recover and live our lives. 

Life After AA

I left 12-step recovery after five years. It felt restrictive with very fixed ideas of how to live my life. At the time, I’d just moved to the US to pursue a more expansive career, which prompted me to consider other areas of my life that felt stagnant and needed changing.

It didn’t make sense to me to stay in AA listening to sad stories and constantly focusing on my faults, so I left. Initially, I tried Refuge Recovery and later therapy, which I have consistently maintained for the last eight years. 

As a social worker and a neurodivergent person, I wondered if there were others with the same experience that sort of grew out of 12-step recovery, or found it restrictive. Around the same time, moving to the US, I began exploring the harm reduction field and was astonished to learn that abstinence is not the only way to recover. In England, especially the northwest of England, the only recovery options were rehab (which involved AA meetings) and 12-step programs. 

As I learned more about pathways of recovery, I set up a Facebook group to talk to other people who had left AA. That was over five years ago, and we have nearly 2,000 members. I share this not to promote the group, but to recognize that leaving AA is a valid pathway of recovery, and to debunk the myth that we are destined to a life that ends in “jails, institutions, or death.”

I’m not alone in that experience. David shared with me that after maintaining his recovery in AA for two and a half years, he left. “There was a lot that I didn't like about traditional recovery that felt antiquated,” he said. 

David also found that abstinence actually led to cravings. He explained, “The prospect of 'never again,' one day at a time, scared the living sh** out of me.  For me, the longer I abstained, the more I actually craved alcohol.”

David tried to seek answers from people in AA about these cravings, but was met with the rhetoric that you just need to work harder. “It was impossible to get sensible answers to that in AA,” he explained. He was told  "You need more inventory," "You need more commitments," and "You need to pray harder," but these were not sensible solutions to him. 

Rightly so, David questioned the spiritual approach to a brain condition. He stated, “What other disease do we tell people to pray harder to relieve the pain from? This is 2025, not 1625.”

What Is Life After 12-Step Like?

Part of deprogramming from 12-step recovery for many of us has been regaining the agency and autonomy to choose a recovery goal that works for us. For some, that is abstinence, for others it is moderation, and for some folks it is medication-assisted recovery. These are all valid pathways of recovery. Recovery, after all, is about improving our lives. 

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration defines recovery as “A process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential."

In reaching our potential and directing our lives, many of us also sought to better understand our relationship with substances through this more expansive lens. David found that while he had the propensity to binge drink, “It wasn't EVERY time I drank,” he stated. That led him to reconsider whether a life of abstinence was indeed right for him. He explained, “I wasn't sure that that committed me to a life of abstinence and/or a program of spiritual inventory for all my character defects.”

Rachel shared that her “chaotic substance use was primarily opioids rather than alcohol.” However, she believed there is a distinction between the type of substance and other variables that impact her experience. She explained, “I was not told that substance use and its effects depended on the drug (type, strength, route of use), set (mindset, mood), and setting (alone, social, party, quiet, loud, if the people around are safe and supportive, etc.).”

She shared,” When I stick with known amounts in moderation, like beer or wine, and in a social but not party setting while my mood is good, I usually have good experiences and moderate well.” 

What’s been important in Rachel’s experience of moderating is knowing her risk factors, setting limits, and sharing those boundaries with someone she trusts. “My risk factors for overconsuming are party-like settings … so in those scenarios, it is best for me to set limits, share those limits with someone I can trust to hold me to it (usually my husband — I’m very lucky to have him!), and check in with myself and him regularly throughout the event,” she stated.

This type of approach to recovery works well for her, and she shared, “Life is different today, and I am good with that!”

David’s journey led him to a documentary by Claudia Christian, called One Little Pill, about the use of naltrexone (also called The Sinclair Method (TSM)). “It was a revelation to me, and I am forever grateful to have stumbled upon it,” he stated. David shared that he did have doubts about this method, like others.

“I had a million doubts and a million fears before taking the plunge. What if it didn't work? What if things got worse? That first drink on naltrexone after being sober for 2.5 years was the scariest moment of my life,” he stated.

Like Rachel, David sought support from others. “I worked closely with an Addiction Specialist and a TSM Coach simultaneously,” he explained. Through this support, David got to the root of his challenges and his relationship with alcohol. “I was also able to figure out why I drank the way I did with a Coach and how to find other ways to stimulate my pleasure sensors besides alcohol, and I stopped using it as a crutch to deal with my anxiety/depression,” he stated.

There has been a downside for David, however. “I lost all my sober friends whom I loved. They still love me and we occasionally connect, but now that I'm not sober, that context is no longer on the table,” he shared. While he respects that AA is a place for people to be abstinent, and that doesn’t include his pathway, he has felt a lack of community. “But I do miss the idea of being around a group of people going through something together. Safety in numbers!” he stated. 

It’s clear, however, that there have been considerable improvements to David’s life during his seven years using TSM. “I have my life back, and I don't have this lingering moniker on my shoulder,” he shared. Not only was he able to understand the root of his drinking in the past, but TSM has also changed David’s drinking habits, “Once I started naltrexone and those endorphins were consistently getting blocked from my neuropathways, my gradual, natural interest in drinking waned immeasurably,” he explained.

“I am so grateful to have found it, and honestly, as morbid and twisted as this may sound to some, my courage in leaving AA to join TSM is one of the things I'm most proud of,” he stated. 

Exploring Other Options

As with any change in recovery, it’s essential to check in with yourself and with someone you trust. That could be a mentor, therapist, or close friend – someone who has knowledge of your drinking habits and can give you a more objective view. When I chose to leave AA, it was a gradual process over six months, and I talked to several people about that, including friends I trusted and my therapist. 

David shares a similar viewpoint. “I would never advise someone in AA to leave AA and start drinking. I would urge them to speak to a licensed professional who specializes in addiction and weigh their options,” he shared. 

Just as I examined what was working in my life, David also encouraged folks to find what works for them. “Don't stay in something that isn't working, despite what other people might tell you. You have one life to live, and you need to live it from an honest and healthy place.

It breaks my heart when people relapse and are enveloped in shame and guilt. Some return to meetings, while others do not. And that is a fundamental flaw in traditional recovery. That has to change. And that is another reason I take issue with conventional recovery. It doesn't allow room for error. You're either a winner or a loser. And that's just not fair.” I couldn’t agree more. Life is indeed short, and we deserve to live a fulfilling and expansive life, in whatever way we choose to recover.  

Are You Drinking Too Much?

Is drinking affecting your job? Is alcohol harming your health or relationships? Does your drinking worry you? Ever tried to drink less but failed?

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