How To Find An AA Sponsor

A significant part of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) isn’t just working through the 12 Steps, it’s doing it with the support of others. While the meetings provide group camaraderie, having one-on-one support can make a world of difference, and that’s where a sponsor comes into play.

An AA sponsor is a more experienced member who has been sober for at least a year. These individuals can help you navigate through membership, hold you accountable, and just be someone to lean on when things get tough. They’ve walked the path before you and know what worked (and didn’t) for them.

Having a sponsor can enhance your recovery, but it’s not a marriage. You’re not bound to them if you feel the connection isn’t right. It’s pretty normal to start with a temporary AA sponsor or switch if it’s not a good fit. The goal is progress, not perfection.

Whether you’re new to AA or have been in the program for a while and aren’t sure how to find an AA sponsor, this guide will walk you through what to look for, what to avoid, and how to know when it’s time to part ways. With the right support from a sponsor, you’ll be better equipped to work through the 12-Step Program and stay on the path to sobriety.

What Is An AA Sponsor & Why Does It Matter?

Before diving into how to choose a sponsor, it’s helpful to understand what a sponsor actually is and why they're such an essential component of the AA program.

An Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor is a senior member who's gone through the 12 Steps and is actively working through their recovery. They usually have at least a year of continuous sobriety under their belt and serve as a personal guide for newer members. This one-on-one relationship is the foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous sponsorship, offering structure, accountability, and emotional support tailored to your unique journey.

Sponsors frequently meet with their sponsors outside of AA meetings and stay in regular contact, especially during times when someone’s sobriety may be at risk. While meetings provide wisdom and community, a sponsorship offers more personalized support and insight, especially when you’re navigating tough days, triggers, or doubt.

“It is very difficult, perhaps impossible, to work the steps alone,” says Tom Adams, an AA member with 45 years of recovery from alcoholism and co-author of A Marriage that Changed the World: Lois and Bill Wilson and the Addiction Recovery Movement. “The sponsor's primary job is to guide the person being sponsored through the 12 Steps and to share experience, strength, and hope. It is essential for full recovery.”

And the research backs this up: Studies show that having a strong, positive support system significantly improves outcomes in substance abuse disorder recovery. When it comes to AA, that starts with a sponsor. So, whether you’re brand-new to recovery or are coming back from a relapse, having that person in your corner who understands the path can make a major difference in staying sober.

“A sponsor doesn’t make or break your recovery, but it can significantly enhance it,” says Hannah Kanter, LMSW, LICSW of Healing with Hannah LLC.

How To Start Looking For A Sponsor

Looking for a sponsor in AA can feel awkward, intimidating, or even overwhelming, and that’s completely normal. While AA group meetings are known to be very inviting and supportive, approaching someone to ask for one-on-one sponsorship can still require a great deal of courage. But here’s the good news: millions of people have gone through the same process and have built meaningful, sometimes lifelong, relationships with their sponsors. 

To help ease some of those nerves, here are a few practical ways to start your search:

Attend Different Meetings

You don’t need to stick with the first meeting you walk into. Try out different groups in your area to find the right “vibe.” Each one has its own personality, and attending a variety of meetings allows you to hear different stories and see who resonates with you.

“One way is to attend meetings and notice whose story speaks to you when they share,” says Alex Penrod, MS, LPC, LCDC, a therapist, clinical director, and owner of Neuro Nuance Therapy & EMDR, PLLC. “They may give an invitation to speak with them about sponsorship after the meeting during their share, or you may decide to approach them.”

Don’t Overthink It

“Newcomers are encouraged to talk with several people and look for someone they can relate to,” Adams says. “But honestly, getting started with any sponsor is better than waiting too long for the perfect sponsor. Overthinking who would be my sponsor was part of my resistance to saying I needed help. When I got scared, I just picked someone and asked, and it worked out great.”

If you’re feeling unsure, it’s okay to start with a temporary sponsor. Doing this gives you the time to ease into the process without the pressure to commit long-term.

“It’s acceptable to ask someone to help you get started, a temporary sponsor, until you get settled in,” says Art Dielhenn, a former TV director, certified career coach, author, and recovering addict. “Then, if it's working for you, great. If you find someone else you prefer, then switch. It’s common practice in AA.”

Ask For A Referral 

Reaching out to another member who seems well-connected in the group can help you land a sponsor. “People who are highly involved typically know who might be a good fit and can make a recommendation,” Penrod says.

Be Bold

If you feel drawn to someone’s share or presence in a meeting, don’t be afraid to introduce yourself and ask. Remember, AA is built on connection, and asking for help is one of the bravest steps you can take. 

Choosing An AA Sponsor: What To Look For

Choosing an AA sponsor doesn’t mean you need to chase the “perfect” fit—it means finding someone who can keep you accountable, help you walk through the 12 Steps, and ensure you stay connected to recovery. Everyone’s needs and personality are different, but some key qualities can help guide you to the right decision.

Must-Have Qualities

Completion Of The 12 Steps

This is a must-have requirement, as it shows they’ve gone through all the steps, likely have a sponsor of their own, and are still actively engaged in the program, not just coasting on past recovery. “Many people in recovery recommend having a sponsor who goes to multiple meetings per week and is actively working steps themselves,” Kanter says.  

At Least One Year Of Continuous Sobriety

Although there’s no official rulebook, most long-time AA members follow informal 12-Step sponsor guidelines, like choosing someone who has achieved at least one year of sobriety. More time sober often means more insight, stability, and wisdom they can share with you. 

Same-Gender Sponsor 

It’s often recommended that new members choose a sponsor of the same gender to reduce the chances of romantic or sexual complications, especially in early sobriety. The phenomenon, known as “13th-stepping”, occurs when more senior members pursue newcomers. 

An anonymous survey found that at least 50% of female respondents between the ages of 17 and 72 had experienced “13th-stepping” in AA. A same-gender sponsor helps create a safer, more focused recovery dynamic.

Good-to-Have Qualities

Good Personality Fit

Once you’ve covered the basics, it helps to find someone whose style and personality align with yours. “For me, it was very important to have a sponsor with a great sense of humor,” Dielhenn says. “Humor helps mitigate pain, worry, and shame—it helps me not take myself too seriously.”

Structure vs. Flexibility 

Some sponsors are highly structured, assigning readings, step work, or check-ins with clear expectations. Others are more conversational and flexible, offering guidance without a strict routine. Think about what kind of support helps you thrive. 

“You are not picking a friend, you are picking a sponsor,” Dielhenn says. “Pick someone who is dedicated to the program and is willing to spend time working with you.”

Great Listener

Your sponsor should be present, respectful, and genuinely engaged in the relationship. Look for someone who is an active listener, respects your privacy, and has the time and emotional bandwidth to be consistently present.

Remember: you’re not seeking someone identical to you. As Adams puts it, “there is a balance to being open to working with someone different than you, but not so different that you will avoid talking to them.”

AA Sponsor Red Flags To Watch Out For

While there are key qualities to look for in an AA sponsor, it’s just as important to recognize the signs of someone who may not be the right fit. Some people may mean well, but they just aren’t suited to take on a role as a sponsor, and that’s completely okay.

Here are some big red flags that indicate that a sponsor is not a good fit for you:

• Hasn’t completed the 12 Steps:
• Doesn’t have a sponsor:
• Has recently relapsed:
• Indulges in other substances:
• Romantic or inappropriate behavior:
• Talks more than they listen:
• Fails to show up consistently:

“More subtle red flags involve control issues, boundary issues, or trying to mentor you on things outside the scope of AA,” Penrod says. “If they are trying to be your life coach, therapist, or best friend, this isn’t appropriate. They are there to take you through the steps and use their experience in AA to help you grow in the program.”

What If You Choose The “Wrong” Sponsor?

Choosing the wrong sponsor isn’t a failure, it’s a step toward finding the right one to support your recovery. 

If something feels off, take a step back and reflect on what might not be working. Sometimes, the discomfort comes from your own resistance to the process. “It may not be your sponsor, it may be you,” Dielhenn says. “I found, especially in early recovery, when I was cranky and had many objections, that if I had a problem, the problem was me, not my sponsor. This is as true today as it was then.”

That said, if your gut tells you that the relationship just isn’t working, it’s okay to move on. This isn’t a lifelong contract, it’s supposed to be a partnership meant to support your recovery.

 “It’s good to be challenged and uncomfortable at times, especially in AA,” Penrod says. “If you do truly feel it’s not the right fit, then end the relationship and quickly find someone else. Don’t let one poor fit deter you from continuing your journey.”

Final Thoughts: Trust Yourself And Stay Open

Recovery is a deeply personal experience. What may work for one person may not work for another, and that’s okay. What’s important is to keep pushing forward and showing up.

Don’t let the fear of making the “wrong” decision in choosing a sponsor stop you from finding a good one. It’s okay to outgrow a sponsor. You’re allowed to switch. And it’s fine to seek help more than once.

When it comes to sponsors, or just the overall AA experience in general, there’s no perfect formula. Just trust your gut, pay attention to what feels safe, helpful, and honest. The right sponsor for you will be someone who meets you where you are and walks alongside you on the path.

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